Over and Elt

See that's yer Gately brown bread then. Frankly I prefer 'massive nyron, ketemine and gay shennanigans binge' type deaths than the 'natural causes, could have happened to anyone' style check outs. I don't like to speak ill of the dead, but I've been wondering what folks in the media have been saying behind closed doors, as rather than the 'sweet, purest soul' stuff that folk have been punting out, he was actually known as a bit of a diva-strop-chucking Elton John junior. I wasn't surprised to hear Reg was a big mate.

I'll dust this one off to highlight my point, some of ya will know this one: When I went to interview him back in my early days (when he was launching the "I'm gonna do a Robbie" solo career) I was told to tread careful as he was well known as a bit of a diva and for giving journos short shrift. We're batting the usual shite questions and answers back and forth until halfway through the interview (at a suite in Selfridge's Hotel) the batteries in the tape recorder die. I try to laugh it off and say don't worry, I'll remember everything and write it up from memory back at the office. He looks at me like I've just shit in his bath, and I quickly grab a pen and paper from my bag and pretend I was joking. His mask slipped a bit and I certainly got the feeling that if I had taken any longer to put my brain in gear I'd have been on the receiving end of something quite flappy and wonderful.

You know when you're interviewing folk that they're giving you their best smarmy bullshit (apart from Ian Brown of course, me and him definitely connected), but they don't normally confirm it, and weirdly enough the only other time it ever happened was with Just Jack, who was another big mate of Elt, and it was in fact big Reg who got the annoying tit his record deal. Maybe he gives them a bit of media coaching whilst showing them round his bedroom...

Just seen this – you can always count on the Daily Facist when it's an iron or an immigrant can't ya? Not that it ain't a wee bit suss... but still, outragous.

Advance Australia Fair

First there was the booze restrictions at the Bathurst 1000 supercar races, then the Blackface uproar, then some of the UK's finest minds (big Charlie Tinsley included) can't recognise the PM, and now this - midget racing! It's all in the link, but basically, after a couple of weeks of absolute PR shockers for the country, the organisers of a horse race meet thought it'd be a winner to go ahead with the "Midget's Cup", where three 'people of slight stature' getting togged up in racing colours and get piggy-backs down the home straight from three lucky punters. It was in The Current, I assume as none of you read such filth you may not yet be aware of the latest winner from the Lucky Country.

What's equally funny is the backlash response you get from a sizable section of the population - it doesn't matter what it is, there'll always be folk who knee-jerk a defence - in all those cases it was against the "fun police" and PC brigade who aim to spoil the fun of those they don't agree with. They've got a point, up to a point, but blackface for christ sake?! After getting hammered from a section of the press and public (in classic American 'you ain't from round here, don't be telling us what we can and can't do' style) Connick Jnr's come out again this week and said he still believes what he did was right! It's brilliant living here sometimes, you think you know the score, then suddenly find yourself in some weird episode of In Sickness And In Health, with half the country ranting on like Alf Garnett about there being nowt wrong with what they're doing.

Not near me of course, I work at the ABC and half our staff are black alcoholic midgets.

Perma-tan

I became a permanent Australian resident last week. Got a letter through from immigration: "Thank you for choosing us, you're an asset to this country and we hope you stay forever. If there's anything we can do, give us a buzz."

Alright, not quite, but there was a bit at the end about 'congratulations and good luck with your new life in Australia', which made it sound official and a fairly big deal, even though it just came through on one sheet of paper, and the visa I've already got in my passport is all I need, so I don't need to go anywhere or get anything stamped.

I can now act up and get goonered from here and would be able to sign on, sitting on a couch in the front yard all day in a wifebeater with my gelled mullett glinting magnificently in the sun. But y'know, softly softly catchee monkey and all that, there's no rush...

The Aussie Apprentice

They're currently filming the first series of the Aussie version of The Apprentice. They've also started showing teaser clips for it, which profile the contestants, and it seems that they're going about it in completely the wrong way in a different way. All the ads have had an X-Factor "this is my big chance" feel, rather than the "I'm gonna do whatever it takes" mentalist backstabber vibe we all know and love. Sir Alan is played by Mark Bouris, some lad who made his money setting up a home loans business, and most folk have never heard of him, which is crap and takes half the 'glamour' out of the thing. Presumably there were a fair few folk who knocked them back before they offered it to him, as even I could think of half a dozen numpties who'd be better, and I'm hardly a shining example of Australian ex-pat integration. There's an industry media blogthat did a piece on it and the comments underneath are pretty interesting, seems that one of the contestants posted on there before filming began. Interestingly they say that in the auditions they were told the job would pay 100k, (which is only 50k in pounds) but then the contract says it'll pay 250k, which looks like they were trying to weed out anyone who's already earning more than that (because they're too clever?) and want the thing filled with lower-paid psychos who think their job in telesales is only the first step on their journey to world domination.

Speaking of which, BBC Knowledge here are currently showing (what I think is, but haven't checked for fear of spoilers) last year's UK Apprentice. It's got this complete tool in it called Michael who put on his application that he was a good Jewish boy, got tippled that he wasn't and got chewed out from Sir Alan for it. Though amazingly, despite being a complete fuckwit who does indeed work in telesales and is up there with some of the best Apprentice psychos ever, he's still in and in the latest episode beat Raph the sharply-dressed posho in the challenge where they had to make an advert for tissues. It's amazing and has me yelling at the telly every week. There was some wideboy a few weeks ago who got lobbed over the cowshed after mucking up the photo portrait challenge in Bluewater and it turns out he was a satellite dish fitter! I'm guessing he probably worked for the company that big Al contracts out and a spot on the show was probably offered as some prize to employee of the year, but still, it shows that it's definitely all about the contestant profiling to fit the audience, rather than anyone who might be any use. As is mentioned on the comments on that article, reality show contestants here have to tick various boxes – the middle-aged Aussie battler housewife mum, the young blonde sort, the spiky haired twat, the Chinese one (fit bird a bonus in this category), the older Alf Roberts one, the list goes on… Also, whilst it goes without saying, I'll say it anyway – don't say nowt about who won! I already know who won the latest series thanks to the front page of the Guardian's website. I reckon the (other, taller) wideboy who screams out "That's what I'm talkin' abaahht!" every episode could be in with a shout, but it'll probably be a bird. Coincidently, there was an episode of Bargain Hunt: 'Famous Finds' on recently where Badger was one of the celebrity guests. Anyway, back to work...

MD31

New gaff

We're moving house! We were keeping a casual eye out for a while as we got a bit bored of the area we were in and the house itself is nippy in winter. We found a big flat in Double Bay and went for it. It's a nice flat so there were a few people interested in it but we moved quick and got it. It's in Double Bay ("beautiful Double Bay" according to this site), which is on the harbour and a bit closer into town. It used to be a bit poncy and was nicknamed 'double pay' as it was urgent prices all round but it ain't that bad these days, bit like a quieter Upper Street or summat. Click this link here to see where it is in comparison to the old gaff, we move next week.

DB32